Trying to See the Good in this Week...

• We are down to only one child needing pull-ups at night AND she is almost ready to not need them as well!


• Mary Poppins from the 5th row was amazing!


• New "Healthy Living" plan with Jenni - eating right, exercising again, eating fruits and veggies, drinking my water -- LOVE IT! Can't wait to hand Jenni an empty jar! :)


• Lost 2 pounds already!


• Zumba tonight


• Slept for 7 hours straight last night - hasn't happened in WEEKS


• Preschool - I love those kids!


• Kindergarten Round Up for Alli - she is soooo excited to finally get to go to Kindergarten...she aced their little test last night and is feeling pretty confident :)


• A good phone conversation with a friend yesterday


• Sun for two whole days

Now I just need to remember all those things during the bad days....

Now Enrolling for 2011/2012 school year

I am adding in a second class for next year. Here is the info:

AM Class - Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday
9:15-11:45

PM Class - Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday
12:30-3:00

Both classes are for children ages 3-5 (must be 3 by August 31st). Children must be potty trained.

Tuition is $120 per month (for 10 months) and there is a $35 non-refundable registration fee.

Please pass it on to anyone that might be interested. I have given my original class of 12, and my waiting list of 4, first dibs on which class they'd like. I will know on Wednesday (May 18th) how many spots are available in each class. (I will take up to 12 students for each class)

Email me (or leave a comment) if you'd like more information.

I Love the Sun!

Today I spent the entire day in the sun (unfortunately without applying sunscreen!) doing one of my favorite things. Garage sale shopping.

We started shopping at 7:55 and shopped until 3:30. It was supposed to rain all day - it didn't rain a drop until we got in the car after our very last stop. It was glorious.

I don't feel like I got very much - the van wasn't even close to full. But not getting very much is sometimes a good thing. I already have everything put away (other than preschool books that I have to sort), which is great b/c it means everything already had a home.

My two favorite finds were a bike rack for the car and a black box to put piano books in. Oh, I also found 2 cute pairs of sandals.

I was worried about today. I was worried about seeing baby stuff everywhere I went. Especially b/c I was planning on stocking up big time on stuff for Ian. I definitely felt pangs of sadness and wished more than anything I was sorting through bins, piles, and racks of baby boy clothes.

Ahhh, I have missed him so much this week.

My nephew turned 5 yesterday. We got to attend a very fun birthday party for him: dinner, Glo-Golf (which was great except for the tantrum that my 10 year old threw....she's such a sweetheart, we just need to figure out how to control the temper), and the most entertaining present opening I've seen in a long time. His comments and facial expressions were priceless. We also convinced him he could do magic (he got a magic want---the best .75 my sister has ever spent) it was hilarious to see the amazement on his face each time his magic worked (he could make us all make funny faces, make it cake time, and he used it to blow out his candles). While it was so amazing watching pure excitement of him enjoying his day - it made me remember how excited I was to have a little child again. Those birthdays are so much fun. I couldn't wait to do them again.

Jack also got a baseball bat and glove. I was so looking forward to going to being a baseball mom. Guess I'll get to be a baseball Aunt :)

It's amazing how it's the simple things that make it the hardest. Those little things you imagine when you are pregnant. The things you look forward to. Then to have them all taken away. It's just not fair.

I have realized that grieving is a very interesting process. One day you are fine. The next you are sad. One entire week you are feeling great. The next week you cry many times throughout the day and cry yourself to sleep each night. Days you think will be hard (like Mother's Day) end up not being bad at all. You start a post about garage sale shopping and end it on a sad note.

I have learned that isn't something that is "just in your head". It is much more that that. It is something you can't control and shouldn't really try to (or hope that you can). I do think you can do your best to have a good day (get some fresh air, exercise, eat healthy, spend time with your family, smile and laugh), but sometimes the sadness still creeps up - sometimes at odd times, sometimes for 30 seconds, sometimes you're sobbing for 60 minutes. It's unpredictable. You just have to go with the flow.

I just miss him so much. I wish he was here.

Time Out For Women

This is weekend I attended Time Out For Women...the best time-out a woman can get! 9 hours of inspirational uplifting, surrounded by friends and 2500 other women with the same goal - to return to live with our Heavenly Father and to help our families return as well.

I just wanted to post a few of the things I learned over the weekend.

Seeing as though it has only been 2 months since Ian died, (I still can't believe it's only been that long - but also that it has been that long, does that make any sense???) I was very emotional the entire time. Friday night, after getting home at 11:00, I wondered if it was worth it to get up at 6:45 the next morning to go and cry for 6 more hours.

The Spirit there was strong, I heard some great talks, learned a few new ideas, but it was really hard emotionally. I was exhausted by the time it was done. I remember at one point a friend talking to me and me barely even being able to focus b/c my mind was tired. Very tired. I am still very grateful that I went.

Oh, and for those of you who don't know what Time Out For Women is, I'll compare it to an EFY, but it's for grown-ups. I LOVED EFY! I went 4 years and couldn't get enough. I can truly say that EFY is what got me through my teenage years - one week of Spiritual you-can-do-it talks got me through each year. Gave me the courage to try harder. That is what TOFW did this weekend. It opened my eyes to things I can do better in my life. Areas I can try harder. And really what I came away realizing is that in order to better my life I need to cut out the extra stuff. I need to un-complicate our life. We need to simplify.

So really - I didn't come out of there saying "I need to grind wheat" "I need to scrapbook" "I need to quit my job".

I came out saying "I need to spend more QUALITY time with my family" "I need to stop trying to do too much" "I need to accept the fact that I can't do it all" "I need to accept the fact that if I am trying my absolute hardest, to be the best ME I can be, Heavenly Father will be happy"

Here are a few notes I took, maybe they can help you as well...

John Bytheway

• I can be BITTER or I can be BETTER (really applies to me at this point in time)


• A man becomes what he thinks about all day


• If we marinate in it (it = bitterness, grouchiness, sadness), we will become it

Mariam Kallon - an amazing African woman who survived the scariest of things, received a humanitarian kit (and shared it with 25 other women) from the church that changed her life, served a mission on Temple Square and is the most remarkable woman I've heard speak

• If you forgive you can move on.


• It's not the condition that makes happiness it's how we deal with conditions


• Let His will be done (at this point in my life, this is a hard one....I know there is a plan, I know it will all be okay at some point, but that doesn't mean that I have to be okay about it now...it is okay for it to be hard. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be frustrated. Heavenly Father still loves me and understands why I feel that way)


• This is her list of things she is thankful for: pens, shampoo, hands and feet (she was number 10 in a line of women to have her limbs chopped off - luckily soldiers came and saved them - her sister was number 5, and wasn't so lucky), knee highs, carpet, bed (she didn't sleep in a bed until she was 18), Scriptures, Christ, and the Gospel. Have you ever said you were thankful for a pen? We are so spoiled.

Michael McLean

• Christ is the light of the world. I need to INVITE His light to shine through ME

Dean Hughes

• He talked a lot about "self talk". Deciding how we want to react to situations (to our children, to our friends, to people who cut us off on the freeway) before the situation occurs, so that we don't react without thinking.


• Know how you want to be - then live up to that


• We're not in a contest - the Lord does not run out of love. We don't have to be as good as everyone else - we just need to be the best we can be


• Life is about the never-ending effort


• "Let your feelings rise" - it's okay to just start feeling better. I am struggling with this right now. Some days I feel just fine and I wonder if that is okay. Sometimes I will do all I can to think of something else so I don't have to think about losing Ian. This talk let me know that it is okay. It is okay to just say, "I'm not going to be sad right now". I can't always fight it, so I might as well push it away when I can, right?

Mercy River - a singing group of 3 friends - they were amazing. I can't wait to buy their 2 CD's

• They sang a song about Letting in the Sunshine - I have to remember all the good I have in my life. I have to let the sunshine in to make me happy


• Mercy is a gift to ALL who will accept it

DeAnne Flynn

• Small things have the biggest effect


• Offer your time, your talent, your relationship, and your example


• Be aware of what makes a big difference and do it (what does each person in your family need? time? hugs? talks? games? reading? watching (watch me, watch me)?)


• Paying attention costs nothing but the dividends are PRICELESS


• Get out of the car and get into the home (meaning don't spend your family time driving to and from a thousand things)


• Home is where the heart is - I am the heart!


• Be your best self at home b/c you can do it everywhere else


• It is my mood that creates the weather in our house (happy, sad, grouchy, mad)


• Cut out the complication!

S. Michael Wilcox

• In our crazy life it is needful to sit and learn. I have been thinking a lot about why I carried Ian for 35 weeks. Why not 10? Why not 20? Why did we get so close to having him join our family and then lose him? Would it have been easier if it had happened earlier? Not sure. A friend encouraged me to list good things that came from carrying Ian 35 weeks - maybe that would help me understand. Ian did teach me that it is important to slow down life. To sit and enjoy your family rather than running to and from activities all evening long. The fact that I was so sick and so tired, I had to slow down. Ian helped me know that in this crazy world, we have to sit and learn sometimes.


• We can never accomplish all the good we'd like to -- let what you can do suffice -- we'll have all eternity to finish.

Emily Freeman

• She talked about taking on the name of Christ. She said taking on the name of Christ is embarking on something that takes all of you. There is a difference between being almost persuaded and all together committed.


• When people look at me what do they see? Do they see someone committed to Christ? Is the Lord's name chiseled on my heart?


• Jesus Christ says we are worth it. "I will never forget them (meaning all His brothers and sisters), their names are engraved on the palm of my hands" - Christ suffered for all of us. He knows our struggles. He knows are pain. He has our name on His palm - we need to have His name in our heart.


• We need to CHOOSE to become closer to the Lord. We need to CHOOSE to become His.